I was once a mother with twelve children. Ignorant in terms of education, far from beautiful, particularly in later years, with a wild temper and raucous voice. This was around Jerusalem in the sixth century. The children had many fathers. I did my best to provide for them.You chose your life conditions, and you may or may not be able to change those conditions from your current perspective depending upon the INTENTIONS you had when you came into this life. Therefore, to promise someone that they can Be, Do, or Have anything they desire during this life is an out and out LIE. You may or may not be able to attain certain things. It all depends upon intentions you set that you may or may not remember anytime soon.
My name was Marshaba. We lived wherever we could, squatting in doorways and, finally, all begging. Yet in that existence, physical life had a contrast, a sharpness greater than any I had known. A crust of bread was far more delicious to me than any piece of cake, however well frosted, had ever been in lives before.
When my children laughed I was overwhelmed with delight, and despite our privations, each morning was a triumphant surprise that we had not died in our sleep, that we had not succumbed to starvation. I chose that life deliberately, as each of you choose each of yours, and I did so because my previous lives had left me too blasé. I was too cushioned. I no longer focused with clarity upon the truly spectacular physical delights and experiences that earth can provide.
Though I yelled at my children and screamed sometimes in rage against the elements, I was struck through with the magnificence of existence, and learned more about true spirituality than I ever did as a monk. This does not mean that poverty leads to truth, or that suffering is good for the soul. Many who shared those conditions with me learned little. It does mean that each of you choose those life conditions that you have for your own purpose, knowing ahead of time where your weaknesses and strengths lie.
The events within the past few months and years were going to happen NO MATTER WHAT I did. There was absolutely NO way for me to manifest myself away from or around them, because the All of Me knew BETTER than I can what I was TRULY wanting. There is a path of joy, but it is not through trying to manifest, or align with "source", or be somebody you're not. It's about BEING who you CAME to BE. Otherwise, you're just aimlessly wishing for a better life and missing out on the life you came to live, which in all likelihood will just end with you wanting to repeat what you just glossed over, since you wanted that in the first place.